An Announcement to the Masses

A man stands in front of the crowd, decked out in worn and dusty boots, a scuffed and threadbare pair of pants, and a jacket that has faded so much that the original color is indeterminate at best. He does not seem to notice that all of these factors have led the crowd gathering only for the amusement of seeing the ravings of a madman, not because they care what he has to say.

“Gentlemen, ladies, your attention please!” he says, clearly attempting his best impression of others that he has heard capture the attention of large crowds. From what the rest of the gathering can tell, he must have listened to a good many drunkards capturing the attention of entire saloons with a single phrase.

“My friend and I,” and here he pauses for a moment, gesturing to his right, and then realizing that his friend has taken a few steps away in an attempt to distance himself from this embarrassment. He grabs him by the arm and drags him closer, looping his arm around his shoulders to prevent further escape attempts. Some members of the crowd wince in sympathy. “My friend and I here have a gamble that we need you good people to help us keep track of!”

At this the attention of the audience is piqued, as they have never heard of a man announcing something like this before, and they are excited to see the role that they have been drafted into. They shift around, muttering amongst themselves, until the man starts speaking again and they quiet down again.

“We’re playing a game because we have been repeatedly told by our wives that we have a gambling problem!” he says this with a smirk, as though it is the most absurd thing he has ever heard. Some of the crowd nods along, having heard similar sentiments before. “So! So we decided that we would bet against each other who could go the longest without betting on anything in this godforsaken town!” He doesn’t seem to notice that he has gotten steadily louder, and is now shouting loud enough that if everyone who lives in the town wasn’t already gathered in the small square, they would be now. 

“So, if we try to place a bet with any of you, shout it out to the town, for that man has lost his dignity, his pride, and most importantly the respect of his lovely wife!”