A Hope and Dreams

“I just want you to know that this isn’t your fault in any way,” she tells me. I can’t remember the exact way that she said it, but she was just outside the kitchen, standing on the dark, wooden porch. I remember that he was standing next to her, that I could tell from the way that they were standing that they had something important to tell me, that something had shifted. I think we were going to head out to dinner. I don’t remember eating. I remember thinking that I had seen it coming, that after everything had changed, I thought it was, in a way, for the better for all of us. I never once saw it as my fault, just something that had been bending for so long finally snapping. Something that I saw coming. But I never thought it was my fault. Does that make me… In books, people always seem to think it’s their fault. When anything goes wrong, it’s always a spiral of self blame. I can’t remember a character ever looking at something broken, and thinking that it might be better off thi...

My dear, I figure that since it might be a while until we see each other, I’ll make an effort to tell you what I do every day. My dear, I’m already regretting telling you that I would send a message every day, because I know that my life must be so dull compared to yours. Well, a promise is a promise, but I just spent all day today on my ass watching television. My dear, I did all the work that I didn’t do yesterday today, and even though I know I finished everything I can still feel myself trembling with the fear that there’s something I’ve forgotten. I know I need to sleep tonight but I think the adrenaline might keep me up. My dear, I’m so sorry that I missed a few days. Life caught up to me, and the first thing to be lost was the things that mattered the most to me but the least to anyone else. But what are we if we can’t adapt to life’s challenges? I’ll try to write something every week, and that way I’ll have something better to say. My dear, today I went to a club and h...