Artifact Number 5
The following is a transcription of a letter found in the ashes of what is now believed to be the secret volcano base of some unidentified supervillain, which unfortunately went up in flames in the summer of 21xx when the volcano erupted. Luckily, scientists were able to predict that an imminent eruption was likely, and so the local town (ironically known as Pompeii II) was able to evacuate beforehand. The fate of the owner of this base is unknown.
To whom it may concern,
When I last tried to take over the world, only to be thwarted once again by my guile adversary, I discovered multiple flaws in my strategy. Additionally, I watched a movie in which someone tries to take over the world for the first time in my life, and all of my errors suddenly became glaringly obvious. As such, I have compiled all of my tips and advice in this letter here, along with the code to access my secret active volcano base, with the hope that someone will take it and be able to find their way to victory.
Never make a threat if you won’t follow through on it.
If you encounter someone working against you, ensure you won’t in the future. Don’t leave loose ends.
No overcomplicated death traps. They might be fun to make, and it is always entertaining to watch those working against you try to escape, but sometimes they figure out a way to escape, and then they’ve got free rein of your base. A bullet is much more boring, but also much more likely to work.
Don’t cackle, especially when you’re trying to convince potential investors that you are a legitimate businessperson.
If you can get someone to do your work for you, make sure you can trust them. Even if you trust them, do it yourself.
When you need to generate a code for something, don’t make it a word that has meaning to you, and don’t write it down anywhere. For example, make it something that you can remember but that no one would ever think to guess, like PYRE.
Don’t build your base over an active volcano, (the rest of the letter is charred beyond recognition, no more words can be made out)
Hilarious.
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