Perfect Cabin

Perfect Cabin is a short script in the style of old time radio shows.

Cast: 

NARRATOR: The narrator

ROBERT, leading: A young single father, is fairly reclusive and isn’t very good at social interaction, decides to move his small family because he thinks it’ll be better both for him and for the children

SAMMY: Robert’s young daughter, fanciful and naive in the way that many young children are, not afraid to share her opinions

BILLIE: Robert’s older child, obsessed with the idea of being the hero of a story, comes up with extravagant stories to explain the most mundane occurrences, Robert’s desire to anchor them more to the real world was one of his motivations for moving

CHARLES, leading: The real estate agent showing the house to Robert and his family, secretly a massive nerd for haunted houses, really passionate about his job

DANNY: Doctor who lives closer than the nearest town, friend of Robert’s from childhood, not related but is an uncle figure to the kiddos

MFX: OMINOUS LEAD IN

NARRATOR:

They should have known better. Knocking down a rusted and rotting church in the middle of the woods is never a good idea in the first place, but knocking down a rusted, rotting church in the middle of the woods with a history of demonic rituals is even worse, and building a cabin in its place is inviting disaster. So, as with all stories like this one, we open with an unsuspecting family pulling into the clearing where our cabin sits.

SFX: TRUCK DRIVES UP GRAVEL ROAD, STOPS. 

SFX: ITS DOORS OPEN

CHARLES:

And here we are! This is the place.

ROBERT:

It looks nice... Nicer than it did in the pictures.

SAMMY:

It looks perfect!

CHARLES: (chuckles)

Well that’s a nice change of pace for certain, people usually say the opposite. “Oh in the pictures the walls looked like they were a more tan-like brown, this shade is just a touch darker”, “It’s the middle of the day, what lighting were you using?”, “Are you trying to—”

SAMMY (INTERRUPTING):

Dad, would you mind if we took a look inside?

ROBERT:

The one thing the pictures can’t help but miss- leave out is how cold the place is. (pause)

 

SFX: BAG RUFFLING

ROBERT: (CONT’D)

You remember the floor plan, want to take- grab the wood we got back there and put some of those outdoors skills to use and try to start a fire?

BILLIE:

Sure, can do. Wanna give me a hand, Sammy?

SFX: FOOTSTEPS FADING AWAY

BILLIE, cont. (fading to off mic): 

Bet you I can get it going in under a minute, as long as it didn’t get too damp from the-

ROBERT:

You were right.

CHARLES (distracted):

Pardon?

ROBERT:

The story that you were telling earlier, it really does look like a darker shade of tan than in the pictures. (a short pause) I’ll see if I can’t get the lighting better- looking more like it really does.

SFX: POLAROID CAMERA SHOOTS A PIC

MFX: SCENE TRANSITION MUSIC

SFX: FIRE CRACKLING (CONTINUES THROUGH SCENE)

LIVE FX: ROBERT & CHARLES MURMURING IN BACKGROUND

NARRATOR:

The family hadn’t moved in years, and wasn’t quite sure what to expect from a house that they had seen nothing of except doctored photographs and an outdated floor plan, but what they found wasn’t quite it. Although everything was physically the same, the house itself seemed to fit perfectly around them as a group, with little sharp edges that they had previously been unsure of smoothing themselves out in the fading light. Eventually, the children headed off to their rooms, Billie excited to try out some of their camping equipment and Sammy wanting to reach the next day quicker in order to explore the house more.

CHARLES (fading in/slowly becoming audible):

Well so I told him the sun wasn’t out the day that the photo was taken, so that’s why the paint looked a bit more gray and less green in the pictures he saw, but he just-

ROBERT, interrupting:

Well it’s been a long day for all of us, and I was gonna turn in soon, are you good staying a night? Just I don’t want to drive you back to town by this- at this time, in case the kids end up needing something in the night, and… just to make sure we all settle in well?

CHARLES:

Oh, I wouldn’t mind at all! I’ve got some layers and an overnight bag, so I should be able to stay warm, and, to be quite honest I’ve always wanted to stay in a haunted cabin like this. Might be up a little later, watch a horror film or something, but I’ll just stay here on the couch, no problem at all.

MFX: CREEPY TRANSITION MUSIC

SFX: MORNING BIRDS CHIRPING

ROBERT (FROM OFF, APPROACHING MIC):

Has anyone seen my camera- the Polaroid? The bag that it’s in isn’t here anymore, and I took a few pictures last night- yesterday on it, and I was gonna try to catch the sunrise- hey, Sammy, sweetie are you alright? You look awfully bundled up. Were you cold last night? 

SAMMY:

No, I slept really well, the bed was super soft! And before I went to bed I played with the dollhouse, but I think Billie left a window open because when I woke up it was super windy in the room because the dollhouse had been knocked over, so I tried to put it back up, but everything was super cold and slippery-

BILLIE, interrupting:

I didn’t leave any windows open! I woke up, and it was a little damp in my room, almost like morning dew when you go camping, not that we’ve ever gone camping, but I’ve read about it, and it’s supposed to be just like that! So I had woken up early, and I went around to see if a window had been opened because it was windy, but it hadn’t! And at this point it was a mystery, so I did walk through Sammy’s room to see if anything was open there, and I didn’t see the dollhouse, but I would’ve known if I knocked it over because it would’ve made a noise! Hey Dad do you think the house could be haunted? I read a book a bit ago about haunted houses and this place totally could be haunted!

ROBERT:

I don’t know if- I don’t think that

CHARLES:

Well the house was recently entirely rebuilt, and the structure that was here before was pretty much entirely off the grid, but there’s not been any recorded incidents of anything but-

LIVE FX: SAMMY SNIFFLES/CRIES SOFTLY

ROBERT:

Hey. Sammy. The house isn’t haunted. We don’t need to worry about anything, because there’s probably just a little crack in the- in the insulation somewhere, which made it, so we all felt super cold last night and that’s why we thought that it was damp in the morning. You can even stay with me- stay with the rest of us if that makes you feel more comfortable. Now, who wants to head out with me to the car, so we can pick up- bring in some of the food!

BILLIE:

Can I go play in the yard instead? I’m already wearing layers, and it can’t be much colder out there than it is in here!

ROBERT:

Just until we’re done making breakfast. Now, Sammy: do you wanna go up to your room and bring some of those dolls you mentioned down, so you can play with them once Charles and I have grabbed the food? I’m curious what the previous owners would have left behind.

SAMMY:

Sure!

SFX: KIDS RUNNING OFF

SFX: A DOOR OPENS & CLOSES

CHARLES:

So… food?

ROBERT:

I already brought it in last night. I was just wondering if- well since you were the one who first called the cabin haunted? I was wondering what made you say that or if… I mean you’ll probably know more about the history than anyone else.

CHARLES:

Well, the house itself is recently built, there was only one set of occupants before yourself, and I can assure you that they probably weren’t haunted to death or anything. If you look for things that people would generally call supernatural in this house’s history, well I did a little research on it earlier because… (beat, tone becomes more curt) because there’s nothing haunted about the house. It’s a normal house

ROBERT:

So then it’s not…? So then why did you call it haunted?

CHARLES:

What?

ROBERT:

Last night, you called the house haunted. Or you said that it was haunted or something, and that’s part of why you wanted to-

LIVE SFX: BILLIE SCREAMS IN SURPRISE AND MINOR PAIN IN THE DISTANCE 

ROBERT:

Billie?! Are you ok out there?

SFX: DOOR OPENS & SLAMS

SFX: FOOTSTEPS RUNNING OFF

BILLIE:

I’m ok, I- I was running around playing with the ball, and then I tripped on something and I swear there was nothing there I checked before I started running around, but I felt it when I tripped, and it really hurt-

ROBERT: (INTERRUPTING)

It’s gonna be ok. I promise lets just head in and get some ice on your ankle, and we’ll finish up breakfast and then go to see a doctor. Or I can call uncle Danny over here to check on you? Does that sound alright?

BILLIE:

Yeah. It… it hurts, but I’m gonna be fine but… I swear my foot caught on something but there was nothing there, dad!

MFX: TRANSITION MUSIC

ROBERT:

So are you willing to- able to make the house call?

DANNY (ON PHONE):

Of course, no trouble at all. You said it seemed like a twisted or sprained ankle, so it shouldn’t really be that bad, but I’m in the neighborhood anyway, so I’ll grab some stuff and be over in a few hours?

ROBERT:

Sounds great, I’ll make sure to- I owe you for this big time.

DANNY (ON PHONE):

No you don’t. It’s really no trouble at all. Invite me over for dinner once y’all have really settled in, and we’ll call it even. I’ll be there in a few hours. Just have to swing by the office to pick up a few things, and then I’ll be there.

SFX: ROBERT PUTS PHONE DOWN WITH A CLICK

SFX: KNOCK ON DOOR

ROBERT:

Hey, Sammy, you okay in there?

SFX: DOOR OPENS

SAMMY:

Yeah! Is uncle Danny gonna come over to check on Billie?

ROBERT:

He’ll be coming over soon- as soon as he can, so it might be a few more hours but from what we talked about- from what he said Billie’s gonna be fine. I was gonna go check in on them actually, if you wanted to come down and do that with me?

SAMMY:

I knew they were gonna be fine! And since you and uncle Danny think so too, do you think Billie would mind if I brought some of my dolls down to play with while we wait for Danny? I don’t want to leave Sherry all alone up here!

ROBERT:

Is that the doll’s name?

SAMMY:

Yeah!! (pause, a few footsteps) This is Sherry!

ROBERT:

Sammy, darling, there’s no doll there.

SAMMY:

Yes there is! She was left behind by the previous owners of the house, and she’s just the kind of doll that I’ve always wanted, and she’ll get along so well with Sadie when she comes, and they can be the best of friends! I can take her down to see Billie, right?

[SLIGHT PAUSE]

ROBERT:

Maybe we should keep Sherry upstairs for now honey, we don’t want her to- don’t want her to get dirty if you set her down, and Billie managed to bring a lot of mud onto the floors inside.

SAMMY:

Ok…

MFX: HAUNTING TRANSITION MUSIC

ROBERT:

I need to know more about the history of the house. I don’t- I don’t believe in ghosts, but something is wrong with this house. It was damp- there was morning dew in here but all the windows were closed, Billie got their ankle caught on nothing as they were playing outside, and Sammy is playing with invisible toys.

CHARLES: (HIDING SOMETHING)

I’ve already told you all I know! Nothing’s ever happened here before, and, no offense, nothing is happening here now either! All you’re going on is the word of your children, and now I’m not saying they’re liars, but have you yourself-

ROBERT: (INTERRUPTING)

I went outside, there’s nothing there that Billie could have tripped over, and I believe them when they say they tripped over something solid. I believe them both with what they say happened. Also… my camera- the Polaroid I took one the- of the kids went missing. 

CHARLES:

Well a lot’s been going on, you easily could’ve misplaced it. I’m sure it’ll show up soon. On the upside, there’s no real rush to clean up all that mud that Billie tracked in because the floors are dark enough to disguise it. It’s a new house, things are gonna seem crazy for a while, but I promise you’ll settle in soon enough.

ROBERT:

The floors are light. You can see the mud clear as day. And you were the one who was all- You were the one who was so eager to stay the night in a haunted house!

CHARLES:

There’s no such thing as ghosts, or haunted houses, or any of that supernatural stuff that you’re suddenly obsessed with! But, no need for tempers to run hot. I’ve clearly overstayed my welcome, so I’ll hitch a ride back into town with your doctor friend, and I guarantee that the house will start to feel like home soon. 

MFX: MOODY TRANSITION MUSIC

SFX: CAR PULLING UP, DOOR OPENS & CLOSES

DANNY:

Strange season to go camping! It’s good to see you!

ROBERT:

You too, I’ll just- I’m just gonna show you to Billie, and then I can go grab Sammy and bring her down, so she can say hi if that’s alright with you?

DANNY:

Sounds swell, I can see the kiddo right up ahead, I’m gonna grab some stuff from my trunk, but I’ll be right there.

SFX: CAR TRUNK OPENS

SFX: FOOTSTEPS

SFX: FRONT DOOR OPENS

BILLIE:

Was that uncle Danny out there, Dad?

ROBERT:

Yeah, he’ll be here in a few- he’ll be in here to help soon. I’m gonna go grab your sister and get her down here, ok.

BILLIE:

Sounds good.

SFX: FOOTSTEPS, KNOCKING AT DOOR

ROBERT:

You good in there Sammy? (beat) Sammy?

SFX: KNOCKING AGAIN MORE URGENTLY

ROBERT (CONT’D):

I’m gonna come in Sweetie, are you alright in there?

SFX: DOOR OPENING, FRANTIC FOOTSTEPS

ROBERT (CONT’D):

Sammy! Are you okay? Darling look at me, just look at me: are you alright?

SAMMY (COLD, STUTTERS):

I- I’m okay… j-j-just a-a little cold.

ROBERT:

Let’s- let’s get you warmed up a little bit honey. Let's go grab your jacket- put your jacket back on darling… 

MFX: CREEPY TRANSITION

DANNY:

Yeah, you’ll just have to keep it wrapped, but it should be okay.

BILLIE:

Thanks

CHARLES:

So, what do you think of the place? Spooky, isn’t it?

DANNY:

I’m sorry, who are you?

CHARLES:

I’m the realtor, just sold the house to these folks and then one thing led to another and well… I’m still here for now. What do you think of the place?

DANNY:

Well, I wouldn’t have chosen that exact color for the walls outside, the green makes it blend in so well to the trees, and I mean it’s generally more of an indoor wall color, isn’t it...

BILLIE:

The outside of the walls are gray Uncle Danny. Must be a trick of the light… (gasps) or the place is actually haunted!

CHARLES:

The place… it isn’t haunted. Well, it seems like you have it all under control here, so I’ll just head out. (to himself) I’ve always wanted to stay in a haunted cabin like this.

SFX: DOOR OPENS AND CLOSES THEN PAPER RUSTLING

DANNY:

Wait, you dropped this! This… is this one of your dad’s photos, Billie? (calling out to off mic) Hey, Robert, get down here!

ROBERT (off mic):

Coming, I’m gonna- Sammy’s freezing up here we’re coming down

SFX: FRANTIC FOOTSTEPS DOWNSTAIRS

BILLIE:

Yeah, it looks like one of them… actually it kinda looks like a picture of this place! See that’s me and Sammy running there. Did you take any pictures of the house, Dad?

ROBERT (distracted):

I think I took- I took one while we were outside, right before it went missing… Danny, Billie can you hand me that blanket please?

DANNY:

Not quite. It’s not what it looks like when you pull up. It looks like this clearing, Billie and Sammy are there running towards the house but… but the house isn’t there!

MFX: SHOCK & AWE

NARRATOR:

Those construction workers should have known better than to build a cabin in the woods at such a potentially haunted site. They did know better.