she thinks or wishes

She’s an atheist who thinks she’s agnostic, or an agnostic who wishes she were an atheist, depending on the day. The days that she thinks she can hope that there might be something, but she just needs proof, she simultaneously wishes for the simplicity of simply deciding that there’s nothing to be found. But the days that she almost knows that there’s nothing there at all, she thinks that maybe, just maybe, she believes in something more, if it was presented to her, if only to give her the hint of something beyond nothingness. 
She'll never realize her own contradictions.

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